


Limelight

by Evoxine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, they!! love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28027059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evoxine/pseuds/Evoxine
Summary: One slip-up. That's all it took for years of combined effort to crumble at their feet.Now, in order to protect their relationship, Sehun and Jongin find themselves faced with a challenge they might not be able to conquer.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin | Kai/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cassiexo2811](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiexo2811/gifts).



> i am _so_ sorry this took so long, pls forgive me :((((

Sehun has always been good at keeping secrets. 

In grade school, his best friend cheated on a math test and Sehun never told anyone. The sheer gratitude meant that they’re still friends to this day. When he was twelve, he caught his mother in a lie – she told his father that she’ll be out running errands, but Sehun had spotted her getting her nails done – and in exchange for an extra thirty minutes before lights out, he’d promised to keep her secret. Then as a trainee, he’d walked in on a fellow trainee having a little… tryst in his room. The guy was an asshole, to put it bluntly, and mentioning this one incident would’ve gotten him kicked out in a heartbeat. But Sehun chose to keep it a secret, for it wasn’t his place to tell. Besides, just a few months later and Sehun found out that he got kicked out anyway – for excessive drinking and turning up to practice still drunk. 

But none of these secrets come close to being nearly as big as the one he’s been keeping for years, and many more years to come. 

Ever since Jongin cornered him backstage after one of their music show performances for _Overdose_ and asked to take him out on a date, nervousness alight in his eyes, Sehun knew. He knew that saying yes would mean that this would become a secret that he’ll be keeping for the foreseeable future, that it would mean a whole lot of stress he might not be able to cope with, but he’d reached out for Jongin’s hand and said yes anyway. 

Now, years later, he’s learned to be okay with it. More than okay with it, really, because he gets to be on the receiving end of Jongin’s sweet smiles and gazes, gets to be up on stage with Jongin’s arm around his waist or shoulder, gets to do what he loves with the man he loves. 

But there are times where it gets hard. 

It hurts when they have to lie about their relationship statuses during interviews. Sehun wishes he could just let it out, because he’s happy with Jongin and he wants the world to know, damnit. It’s frustrating when they have to describe their ‘ideal types’ and he can’t simply point across the room to the person who has his heart. It breaks his heart when he can’t give Jongin a kiss whenever he wants, just because they’re not behind walls or shrouded in darkness, away from the prying eyes of fans.

It gets hard, Sehun won’t deny it. It’s hard, but he’ll willingly shoulder all the difficulties thrown their way, because he loves this man and he will not do anything that threatens their relationship. So although it’s a hassle and perhaps more than a little unfair, they take all the necessary precautions. Most dates are indoors, spent in a private room at an establishment or at home, and if they choose to venture out into public, they’ll travel in separate cars and keep their faces hidden. 

A silver lining is the support of the other members, something that Sehun and Jongin will forever keep in their hearts. It’s in the smallest gestures, the way that they’ll willingly leave the apartment just so the couple can have some time together alone, giving their managers excuses whenever necessary to keep suspicion off them. Sometimes, when it comes to filming variety shows or performing up on stage, the others will occasionally shift around just so the couple can stand next to each other. 

Sometimes, Sehun thinks fondly back to when the members have purposefully gotten a little rowdier than usual just to distract the cameramen from Jongin’s fingers laced with his own. Once, Yixing had even scooted his chair forward, using his body to block where Jongin’s hand was absently resting on Sehun’s lap. 

Bound by the same constraints, the others can’t do much, but they do enough. 

Till now, Sehun remembers the fear he’d felt moments before they confided in Junmyeon. Never has he been so terrified; he was scared of rejection from the people he cared about, of humiliation, and of losing everything he’d worked so hard for. But Junmyeon, bless his heart, accepted the news without batting an eyelid. 

“You’re both sure that this is what you want?”

Jongin had grabbed Sehun’s hand, skin warm and grip tight. “Yes,” he said, voice as clear as day, “this is what we want.”

Junmyeon smiled. “Then we’ll protect you.”

And they have, every minute of every day. It’s a debt that Sehun knows he’ll never be able to repay. 

  
A knock echoes through the room and Sehun looks up just in time to see the door open and Jongin’s head poking in. He breaks out into a smile, instantly setting his phone aside as he stands to welcome his boyfriend.

“Hi,” Jongin chirps, closing the outer door behind him. “What’re you up to?”

“Was just running through some choreography. But now that you’re here…” He pulls Jongin in for a kiss, hand automatically sliding around Jongin’s nape to hold him close. Despite having been dating for close to six years, not to mention the hundreds and thousands of kisses shared between them, the mere touch of their lips still has Sehun’s stomach doing happy somersaults in his belly. 

Jongin breaks the kiss only to give Sehun another one on his cheek – if he wasn’t already used to how this man makes him feel, Sehun would be embarrassed at how fast that extra kiss brought a blush to his face. But as it is, he embraces the rush of heat completely.

They part, Jongin making a beeline for the table against the wall. Settling down onto Sehun’s recently vacated chair, Jongin presses _Play_ and sits back to watch Sehun’s practice session of new EXO-SC choreo. It’s been a habit of his, ever since the formation of EXO, ever since they’ve started pulling long nights in the dance studios together. According to Jongin, there’s just something about the way Sehun moves; a casual grace, a devastating fire, slow to burn. In fact, he’s seen every single practice video that Sehun’s ever recorded. 

As he watches, Sehun decides to squeeze in one more run-through. There’s no clock in here and because he feels more productive when he doesn’t let time steer his actions, Sehun always makes an active effort not to check the time on his phone or the desktop. But if Jongin’s here, that must mean that his schedules for today are done, and that it’s late enough for him to call it a day. 

He makes it halfway through the routine before Jongin pauses the music and shrugs off his jacket. 

“Dance with me?”

Sehun pushes a lock of hair out of his forehead and smiles. “Of course.”

Dancing with Jongin is An Experience, to say the very least. Sharing the floor with him and being a part of the art that he creates is an honour that not many can obtain, so Sehun always treasures such opportunities. It’s a pity that management doesn’t give them more stages together, but for now, what they’ve had is enough. 

“Let’s do this one.” Jongin hunches over the keyboard, and after a few clicks of the mouse, Sehun hears the nostalgic beginnings of _Angel_. 

He laughs, “Just the two of us? It’ll look weird.”

It’s been a while since they’ve danced to this song, so it takes a few fumbles and moments of confusion before muscle memory returns. But they finish it, Jongin sweeping Sehun up into a hug once the song fades into silence.

“Remember when we were leaning this,” Jongin says, walking Sehun backwards until his back hits the padded wall. “God, we were so young, desperate to prove ourselves and hoping our dreams would all come true.” Sehun kisses him on the nose and Jongin hums, happy. 

“Have your dreams come true?”

Jongin rests their foreheads together. “Given that my dream back then was to one day be able to kiss you, I’d say yeah, it came true.”

“Wait, what?”

A sheepish grin, then Jongin’s pulling back, hands dropping to Sehun’s waist. “Yeah, I’ve been smitten for forever. Started off innocent, really, because you were so cute. Then you hit your growth spurt and you went blond, and –” He chuckles, carefree in the wake of his confession. “Well, I’ve just always wanted you.”

Sehun groans, cheeks aflame. “Why have you never told me this?”

“I suppose I just wanted to live in the present. Ever since we got together, creating new memories with you has become the most important thing. Never really thought about the past.”

A surge of affection wells up in Sehun’s heart and he pulls Jongin back into a hug, smiling into the crook of Jongin’s neck. “Love you.”

He gets a kiss on the ear and he squirms, ticklish. “Love you, too.”

For now, they enjoy the intimate proximity that they can have, sequestered away in Sehun’s small practice room at home. Time alone is hard to come by, what with the sheer demands of their careers, while privacy as they know it often disappearing as soon as they step out of their homes and into the public. 

“Staying the night?” As the group’s activities are now focused on individual schedules, the members have mostly left the dorms to stay at their own respective apartments. During such times, Jongin will stay over whenever possible, especially during nights where neither of them has an early start the next day. Sehun loves these nights. 

Jongin brushes a kiss over the steady beat of Sehun’s pulse. “Mm, I could be persuaded.”

  
Safely hidden from view of the camera, Sehun watches as Jongin grabs a quick drink and proceeds to dive right into the next track. His schedule isn’t free by any means, but Sehun always tries to find a way to be present for Jongin’s practices. His boyfriend’s gearing up for his solo debut, something that Sehun’s immensely proud of. Jongin’s solo album has been a long time coming, and Sehun knows just how excited he is for the release. But Jongin, not wanting to sacrifice quality, is willing to wait a little longer if it means inching closer to perfection. As of right now, the mini-album is still coming together, but Jongin and their trusted choreographers are working hard to create art out of the few tracks that have already been confirmed. 

It’s not rare for Jongin and his team to spend more than half a day in the practice room at any given time, but Sehun doesn’t mind the long hours. After all, witnessing Jongin dance is a treat to anyone’s eyes, and Sehun knows that he’s extraordinarily lucky, being one of the few that has been present for the entire process. 

Along with their members, the group’s choreographers are the only ones who know of their relationship. Sehun was the one who suggested telling them a year into their relationship – keeping it a secret from them seemed disrespectful, for these are people who have worked so closely with them and supported their growth into the men they are now. The news was met with more than a few seconds of stunned silence, but acceptance soon followed, along with the promise that they would never let the news slip to management. 

It’s been many years since, and they’ve kept their word. 

“Sehun, what do you think? Something’s off about this eight-count, but I can’t figure out what it is. It doesn’t look as fluid as I want it to be.”

The question doesn’t come as a surprise, not when Sehun has been watching him go through the same section over a dozen times, frustration gradually settling into a frown on Jongin’s handsome face. He hops off his ledge and walks up to his boyfriend, turning to the mirrors when they’re side-by-side.

“Honestly, I think you just have to change this one move... ”

Sehun demonstrates, already having memorised the eight-count at hand from how often he’s seen it. It’s a small change in weight distribution and placement, one that Jongin picks up immediately. 

“You’re a genius,” Jongin groans, pulling Sehun into a sweaty hug, followed by an equally sweaty kiss to the temple. “I should have asked for your help an hour ago.”

Pleased, Sehun pushes a bottle of water into Jongin’s hand. “Well, I’ll be right there if you need me again.”

Jongin takes a long drink before he resumes practice. 

It’s near midnight by the time the team calls it a day. Everyone’s exhausted, so Sehun takes it upon himself to clean up, stuffing all the empty takeout boxes and drink bottles into a garbage bag before wiping down the mirrors. 

The room gradually empties out with tired calls of _goodbye_ s and _see you later_ s, until they are the only two left. Their eyes meet, Jongin smiles, and Sehun smiles right back. 

There’s music still playing softly in the background after Jongin’s solo demo ends, the song having faded out and into a track by Rina Sawayama, guitar riffs filling the large space around them. Jongin flops over onto his side, sweaty hair in his eyes as he basks in the coolness of the floor’s surface against his skin. His shirt rucks up his torso and Sehun shamelessly eyes the rise and fall of taut abs, skin pulled tight across sharp hip bones. 

Then Jongin speaks and promptly knocks him out of his reverie. 

“Hey, let me see the choreo for _On Me_? You’re filming the music video soon, right?”

Sehun takes the bottle of water from Jongin and drains the rest of it. “Yeah, in a couple of days.”

Propping himself up on an elbow, Jongin gestures to the sound system. “Let me see,” he repeats. “I never got to see the entire choreo and _I_ of all people should have special access to these things, you know.”

Snorting, Sehun walks over to the sound system and plugs his phone in. “Seems you’ve forgotten that a few weeks ago, I _offered_ to show you the choreo, but you denied. You said you wanted to be surprised.”

Jongin blinks up at Sehun then promptly breaks out into laughter. “Oh shit, yeah, that happened. Well, blame Chanyeol for changing my mind; he keeps telling me that the choreo is amazing and now I really want to see it.”

Sehun finds the track and fiddles with the volume, cranking it up loud enough for him to get into the groove of things. Giving his muscles a few perfunctory stretches, Sehun strides away from the mirrors as he marks out the choreography in his head. As soon as he’s ready, he picks up right where the music is, muscle memory starting up like a well-oiled machine. 

Compared to all of their previous releases, _On Me_ is a short track. For the first two weeks of practice, Sehun was never quite able to get used to the song ending sooner than he’d been used to, and so the choreography would always feel odd, like a skin that doesn’t fit. But the dozens of run-throughs since then have certainly helped, and dancing to a shorter track has honestly been quite refreshing. His stamina isn’t everlasting, after all. 

He’s performed on countless stages for countless fans, but nothing compares to performing for Jongin when they’re both alone in a practice room. The close proximity, the enclosed space, the lack of background noise or stage lights… There’s a very obvious difference when it comes to performing for Jongin versus fans – Jongin looks at him with a type of love that he can’t find in anyone else. 

The song finishes and fades out, leaving Sehun breathing just a little heavier in its wake. 

Jongin stands, grimacing when a knee pops audibly. 

“So how do I audition to be one of your backup dancers for the music video?”

Sehun fights down a smile. “Well, the slots are all filled, but I could try and pull some strings for you. I heard you’re a pretty good dancer?”

“Yeah? Do kisses work as bribes?”

With a glance over his shoulder at the door, Sehun steps close and accepts the bribe, relishing in the familiarity of Jongin’s lips moving against his own. 

  
It’s been eight years since debut, and much longer since the first time they all stepped foot into SM Entertainment. After being in the industry for so long, life has gradually settled down in a way that’s highly unique to idol life. Days pass predictably, scheduled out for them in neat blocks and reminders in the form of phone notifications. There’s always something new to work on, be it new music, new shows, or new side projects, but things are much less overwhelming now. 

As they grow older, time bringing with it maturity and responsibilities, their management has eased off on several restrictions. Although still bound by many rules, there are no longer eyes watching their every move, nor mouths dictating their every action. It’s nice, because this means they can indulge in little things that many other people their age take for granted, like mass buying junk food at their neighbourhood convenience store or going out to a nice bar with a few friends. 

Or, like what he’s about to do right now. 

It’s nearly two in the morning, but Sehun’s rummaging through his sock drawer for a particular pair. He’s just found it when his phone vibrates, and he doesn’t have to look at what the text says to know that it’s Jongin, telling him that he’s waiting out by the street. A few years ago, the mere idea of leaving their dorm in the middle of the night for something like a walk would be instantly shot down. But now, Sehun can come and go as he pleases. 

They’ve squeezed in this nighttime walk for a very specific reason: they’ll be in separate promotional cycles very soon. Sehun is due to start full-fledged promotions for the new EXO-SC album while Jongin has begun preparations for the upcoming SuperM album, his own solo project set aside for the time being. Both workaholics in their own right, they are well aware that the many professional obligations they no doubt have to focus on will keep them apart for a while.

Right before stepping out, Sehun pulls the hood of his hoodie up and makes sure his face mask is in place. Anonymity is always better – for that brief amount of time, he feels like the average adult living an average life. 

Outside, everything is pitch black save for several pools of light, spaced out equally along the street. He sees a familiar figure in one of those pools, tall and solid and probably very warm. Smiling, Sehun strides over, and Jongin looks over his shoulder just in time to see the crinkle of Sehun’s eyes before he crosses through a line of shadows. 

Then he’s under the same light that Jongin is. The tips of their shoes brush, their shoulders knock together, and Jongin tilts his head towards one direction. 

“Shall we?”

As they walk, bits of gravel crunching under their steps, it dawns on Sehun that there are no fans loitering outside today. A small blessing from the gods, he thinks, and he’s grateful. Jongin’s talking about his day, about how he and the younger ones from SuperM grabbed dinner together after a day of practice. As Sehun listens to him laugh about something funny Lucas had said, he takes one last look around them before reaching down to thread his fingers between Jongin’s. 

The touch has Jongin looking over, something sharp in his eyes that brings a tight ache to Sehun’s heart. 

“Just for a minute,” Sehun whispers. “There’s no one around. Just until we get to the crosswalk?” _Let us have this. For a little while, let us have this._

It’s a well-known fact that Jongin is unable to say no to Sehun when it matters, so here, with their hoods up and faces mostly hidden from view, Jongin tightens his grip around Sehun’s hand. They stop just a few feet away from a streetlight; in the darkness, Sehun can’t make out Jongin’s eyes, but he can feel them. 

“Okay,” Jongin says. He lifts their joined hands and presses a kiss to the back of Sehun’s. “Then let’s walk a little slower, hm?”

  
Monsieur is running laps around the set and Sehun is busy keeping an eye on that bullet of a dog while trying to focus on whatever his manager is currently saying. They’re only an hour into a very long day at GQ Korea, and while their planned schedule is objectively quite easy (albeit time-consuming), Sehun already finds himself thinking of the comfort of his own home. 

Chanyeol’s at the other end of the room, looking very relaxed in the chair as he chats with the make-up artist, no doubt telling her about some interesting anecdotes he’d collected since they last met. Light bounces off the sheen of his hair whenever he tilts his head and Sehun momentarily wonders if the make-up artist’s eyes are getting a little uncomfortable. 

Something brushes past his ankles and Sehun ducks down just in time to see Monsieur trotting away, drawing everyone’s attention like moths to a flame. But before he can even decide to get up and chase after his dog, a voice calls out his name. Ah, duty calls. 

The first part of the shoot goes extremely well, both having done this hundreds of times over the course of their careers to know how to navigate the photographer’s wishes together alongside their own visions of what works best. It isn’t long until they get their first break, and while Sehun finds a nice, comfy corner to relax in, Chanyeol beelines towards the snack table. 

Sehun spots Monsieur in the arms of one of the photographer’s assistants, tongue hanging out and not a curl out of place despite the many scratches to his head. _What a great life_ , he thinks, and promptly snaps a picture to send to Jongin. 

_reminds me of you with your dogs_

_i’m probably worse_ , Jongin replies, _you’ve never heard me use my baby voice after not seeing them for a few months. i can honestly say that it’s atrocious._

_nothing you do is atrocious_

_oh babe, i guess love really is blind_

Sehun laughs at his screen and switches apps, knowing that Jongin is busy with his own schedule and not wanting to be a distraction. He ends up settling for Instagram, where he watches one too many dog videos until his short break ends and he’s summoned back to set. Placing his phone aside, Sehun pads back to where Chanyeol is letting the stylist fix his shirt, cheeks still full of food. 

“Say something,” Sehun grins. “Or whistle.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes and continues chewing. 

Time passes like this, with cameras watching their every move and a team behind their backs to ensure they look flawless for the lens. Minutes turn into hours, but with the help of Chanyeol’s constant upbeat energy and the easygoing staff, the day doesn’t feel as long as it should. 

It’s almost dinnertime when the photographer calls a wrap on things. The first thing Sehun does is drain a whole bottle of water before he makes his way to the bathroom, where he hunches over the sink to scrub off the layer of makeup currently sitting on his skin. There’s stiffness in his lower back and he really needs to stretch out his hip flexors, but although their work in this studio is done, he still has dinner with his managers to celebrate the release of the new EXO-SC album. 

But it could be worse, Sehun knows. He could have a couple of hours of practice or perhaps another shoot to attend instead of good food with good company, so he pats his face dry and gives his reflection one last glance before exiting. From afar, he hears Chanyeol’s bark of laughter.

It’s past midnight when he finally gets home, the snick of the door closing behind him music to his ears. Belly full of food and bones full of exhaustion, Sehun places a record onto his turntable and beelines for the shower, leaving the door open for music to seep through. Hot water has been a lifesaver ever since he became a trainee, and if possible, Sehun would love to stay under the spray of water for hours. But when his skin starts pinking and steam starts clogging up the air around him, he finally shuts off the water and reaches for a towel.

Droplets fall off the ends of his hair and down the plane of his back when he strides out, naked like the day he was born save for the towel around his waist. The cool air has goosebumps rising on his arms, but Sehun ignores the chill in favour of grabbing his phone and a near-empty bottle of wine.

There are a few notifications on his screen and Sehun swipes through most of them before he gets to one from Jongin, sent twenty minutes ago while he was still in the shower. 

_you’re probably busy, so i’m messaging to let you know i’m off to bed. got a long day of filming tomorrow, but know that i’ll be thinking of you the whole time. congrats on the album, my love._

Sehun takes a sip of wine and settles down onto his futon, where he indulges in a moment of vanity – he takes a few selfies, making full use of the mood light and the angles of his face. Keeping his eyes lidded and the rim of the wine glass pressed to his lips, he chooses one picture and sends it to Jongin. 

_hope you sleep well,_ he types. _i’ll be thinking of you, too._

The last of the wine has just disappeared down his throat when his phone vibrates with another text. 

_playing dirty, i see. you’re wearing nothing but a towel, aren’t you_

There’s a twinge of heat in his belly that isn’t from the alcohol, but his exhaustion, exacerbated by the wine, easily overpowers his interest in where this conversation might be headed. It’s clear to himself that no amount of willpower is going to keep him awake for more than fifteen? twenty? minutes – which in the grand scheme of things, isn’t a lot of time. 

_i’d love to show you, but i think we’re both in dire need of sleep. message me when you wake? i’ll try and drop by the company if i have time tomorrow._

He pours out the rest of the wine and takes a sip, exhaling heavily when the taste hits his tongue, limbs heavy. It’s times like these when he wishes he had Jongin by his side, all warmth and deadweight as he snoozes, their legs tangled up beneath the sheets.

At least Jongin seems to be on the same wavelength, because he sends a blurry photo of himself in bed with his cheek smushed against the pillow. _wish you were here. goodnight, S, love you._

Sehun rests his thumb against the screen, over the sharp line of Jongin’s jaw, and for a split second, he imagines that it’s the real thing. 

  
Things get quite hectic for a few weeks, both he and Chanyeol constantly on the go and running mostly on a few hours of sleep alongside gallons of coffee. But being busy is a blessing in disguise, Sehun has come to find out, because he simply doesn’t have the time to think about how much he just wants to sleep for a hundred hours. 

Work is tough, sure, but it’s rewarding. Love from their fans is one thing, but it’s the support and excitement from family and friends – congratulatory text messages from the three still in the army, calls and care packages from his family, constant reminders from Jongin about how proud he is – that really wriggles its way into Sehun’s heart. The satisfaction of knowing that the people he loves are proud of him and what he’s accomplished? That feeling has always been a drive for him to work harder, and it’s something he has always carried with him, from years ago when he was a child to the man he is now. 

So he’s happy to be busy, because being busy means success, and success means making them proud. It’s self-gratifying too, if Sehun’s honest with himself. Seeing his face on billboards and screens, hearing his own voice on the radio, adding yet another achievement to his name. 

It’s a Thursday when he finally gets to wake up without needing half a dozen alarms. Opening his eyes to sunlight instead of darkness is glorious, and Sehun spends a few luxuriously long minutes stretching, toes peeking out from under the covers and fingers smushed up against the headboard. If there haven’t been any last-minute changes made to his schedule, he should have a couple of hours just for himself before he has to head to the office for a quick meeting, time he intends on spending right here in bed.

There are a few messages to attend to, but Sehun opens Jongin’s text first. The first one up sends a good morning text – it’s something they’ve done for years, and it’s since been ingrained into their morning habits. Sehun sees that Jongin has been awake since half-past-six, likely busy with Super M related schedules, and he replies with a reminder not to skip meals and to stretch. 

From there, he replies to his manager, snorts at a meme of Chanyeol that a fan had tagged them in, and saves an adorable picture of Jongdae and his baby girl that he’d sent to their group chat. 

Sehun spends the better part of an hour just lying on his side, covers pulled up to his chin as he scrolls through social media and catches up on some news. It’s only when his stomach lets out a pathetic growl that he decides it’s time to get up. 

Music fills the apartment as he brews some coffee and fixes himself a quick brunch, absently toeing down one leg of his sweatpants that has bunched up around his calf. Vivi is curled up on the couch, head perched on his paws and eyes resolutely shut as he ignores a hyperactive Monsieur who’s running circles around the coffee table. Sehun fills their bowls but otherwise lets them be, although he does take a quick snapshot of the scene. He is, after all, a very proud dog dad who has hundreds of photos of his dogs just clogging up his phone. 

He's nearly done with his meal when his cell vibrates from where it’s placed on the kitchen counter. Before he can answer, however, his landline rings as well, prompting Monsieur to stop running in favour of investigating the source of the noise. Sehun sets his plate down and reaches for his phone. 

“Hello?”

It’s his manager, speaking in a serious tone of voice that Sehun hasn’t heard in years. “Sehun? Come in now, there’s something we need to talk about.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll be there in an hour, I gotta –”

“No, no time. Get here as soon as you can.”

The line disconnects before Sehun can gather his bearings and ask his manager exactly what the hell this is all about. He has half a mind to call back, but instead, he takes one last look at the rest of his food before dumping it into the trash. 

Well, at least he’s had ample experience getting ready under time constraints. The landline rings again just as he steps into the bathroom and Sehun makes the split-second decision to let it ring. Whoever it is can call back another time, surely. 

  
He’s barely walked a dozen feet into the building when someone hisses his name.

It’s Chanyeol, but instead of his trademark easygoing grin, there’s a tense set to his jaw and a furrow between his brows. “Why didn’t you pick up my calls?”

“You called? I didn’t receive anything…” Sehun fishes out his mobile and is just about to check his call log when Chanyeol waves an impatient hand. 

“That’s because I called your home number, idiot. Your mobile was engaged. Whatever, doesn’t matter now – look, this meeting? It’s about Jongin.”

Sehun frowns, confused. “Huh? What about him? They want us to collaborate with him on his new – _ow_!” He rubs at the sore spot on the side of his head where Chanyeol had just smacked him. “What the hell was that for!”

“Do you really think they would’ve made you rush down here just to tell you about a collab?” Chanyeol grabs him by the arm and drags him around a corner, away from the prying eyes of fans gathered outside. 

He takes a guarded look around them, then after he deems it safe, he leans in close and says, “They found out about your relationship. I heard that management was sent some pretty damning photographs, but the existence of the photos isn’t the biggest problem. What _is_ a problem is the fact that whoever was responsible doesn’t seem to want a payoff. They want to release the photos. Exclusive scoop, you see. It's worth more than money.”

Sehun stares at Chanyeol. There’s no way he’s hearing what he thinks he’s hearing, is there? This is a bad prank, a sick joke, and someone’s bound to pop out with a camera and go “Just kidding!” any time now… Except there’s nothing but seriousness in Chanyeol’s eyes and Sehun’s gut is telling him that this is real. 

“Photos?” He whispers. It feels as though there are ice shards in his lungs – each shaky breath sends a sharp pain radiating through his body. His hands are trembling. “How?”

Chanyeol lifts a shoulder and Sehun watches as it drops back down with a weight that he feels too. “I don’t know, Sehun, wish I did. But you should go now, get the ball rolling on damage control.” Chanyeol’s gaze darts over to where the elevators are, a few metres down the hall. “I think Jongin’s already there.”

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Sehun manages a stiff nod. “Okay. Thanks for telling me. I’ll uh, message you later?”

He doesn’t wait for Chanyeol’s response before he turns away, immediately trying to distract himself by counting the number of steps it takes for him to get to the elevator. Panic is _right there_ ; it can take something as insignificant as a staff member greeting him to tip him over the edge of this dangerous precipice. 

The elevator ride feels like a lifetime. His mouth is sandpaper dry, there’s cold sweat causing his shirt to stick to his back, and he suddenly really wants to bend over a toilet and dry heave. You know what, maybe he should just turn around and – 

Then the doors slide open and Sehun gives himself a mental punch. He’s old enough to not be running away from his problems, much less when something this important is involved. It’s Jongin – he’ll go through hell and back for Jongin. 

He takes a breath, squares his shoulders, and strides over to the conference room. 

Chanyeol’s right. Jongin is already there, his jaw tense and arms crossed over his chest. A bead of sweat runs down the curve of his neck; he must’ve come straight from practice. Sehun lets his gaze move a few inches to the left. There’s a laptop sitting in the middle of the table with a USB plugged into it, and behind it, a terrifying number of managers. 

Something in Jongin’s eyes softens when their gazes meet and Sehun gets the urge to apologise. For what exactly, he doesn’t know. 

But he simply takes a seat, close enough to Jongin to feel safe, but far enough to not (potentially) make matters worse. 

“I’m sure you’re somewhat aware of why we have called you here.” 

A few clicks of the mouse followed by a hit of the Enter key. 

“How long have the two of you been dating?”

Sehun’s heart skips a beat, and not in a nice way. But next to him, Jongin uncrosses his arms and says, “About six years.” Their knees knock under the table: _it’s okay, we’ll be okay. No matter what it takes._

A pause, then the laptop is spun around so that the screen faces them. 

“I thought it was a recent development, which would somewhat explain how you ended up in this situation. But six years? If you’ve managed to hide it so well for six years, how did you slip up this time?”

Sehun takes one look at the photo pulled up on the screen and – 

Fuck. Guilt surges up like a cresting wave, breaking as the reality of the situation crashes over him. The photo changes to another one, one where despite the mediocre quality of the image, their features are clear enough for any sharp-eyed fan or celebrity journalist to identify them. 

It was the day they went out for their late-night walk, the day he asked for a minute of normalcy and Jongin was sweet enough to oblige. He was reckless and foolish and the only person he can blame is himself. 

“It was my fault.” He looks up at their managers. “It was late and I didn't see anyone around, so I thought we were alone.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jongin says, voice sharp and sounding like he’s daring Sehun to disagree. “It’s not your fault we have zero privacy and can’t live our lives like we deserve to.” He sits forward, elbows resting on the table, and points at the laptop. “What’s done is done; we cannot change what has already happened.”

A pause, then a murmur of agreement floats around the table. “You’re right. Moving forward, what we have to focus on is damage control. And we have a plan.”

  
Two days later, Sehun looks at the headline of the article pulled up on his phone and sags into his couch. He has to admit – management works fast and they work well. The reporter gets to publish his exclusive scoop and they get to keep their secret. How SM Entertainment managed to convince the female idol’s company to agree to this will remain a mystery (perhaps they suggested it as a marketing ploy?), but it _worked_. Everything seems legitimate, from the backstory to the photos to the company’s statement, so much so that Sehun could see himself believing the story if he wasn’t an involved party.

Jongdae’s seated next to him, one eye on his daughter as she rolls around on her playmat and the other on Sehun’s profile. The man’s gotten infinitely better at multitasking since the birth of his little one.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

Sehun lets his hand drop, not moving a finger when the phone slips from his grip and clatters to the ground. He stares up at the ceiling. 

“I would if I could. I don’t really know what I’m feeling,” he sighs. 

There’s a gurgle, followed by a giggle, and Jongdae gets off the couch to wipe spittle from his baby girl’s mouth. She spares him a brief glance before returning to her toy, gnawing on the pastel green flower like her life depends on it. 

“Do you think it’s…unfair?”

Sehun mulls the question over and over in his head until his temples start to throb. 

“No,” he says eventually. “Under the circumstances, it’s really quite fair. This way, the tabloid gets what they want – an exclusive scoop on a secret relationship – and we aren’t forced to come out on their terms.”

It’s a testament to how well Jongdae knows him when he doesn’t hesitate to ask, “But?”

Sehun pinches the bridge of his nose and wishes he could run headfirst into a wall. 

“But,” he grits, “I hate it. I hate that this is the only solution and that we are bound to it until our contracts, renewed or otherwise, expire. I hate that it was my idiocy that got us into this situation, I hate that Jongin is forced to be with someone just because that reporter was hellbent on publishing the story, and I _hate_ that our relationship will continue to be a secret. But most of all, I’m angry with myself for even daring to feel upset about this. I should just be happy that we can continue to do the work we love and that our personal lives aren’t placed in jeopardy, but I’m not. Why am I not?”

As if on cue, the baby bursts into tears. It’s the first time in Sehun’s life he’s ever related to an infant so deeply. 

“Because,” Jongdae begins, picking his daughter up and settling her on his hip. “You’re only human.”

“Well, being human sucks.” 

Somehow, Jongdae still manages to fix him with an unimpressed look despite having his hands full with a fussing baby. “Jongin isn’t having the best time with this either, you know. Have you spoken to him since?”

Great, there comes the guilt again. It’s not that he hasn’t spoken to Jongin since the meeting – because he has –, but they haven’t _verbally_ communicated with each other. He hasn’t felt up to listening to Jongin’s voice yet, and he’s well aware that his stupidly understanding boyfriend will never push him to do something he doesn’t want. So it’s been two days of sporadic texts, of Jongin reminding Sehun that he loves him and that this charade is only temporary, and of Sehun replying _I know, I love you too._

Jongdae seems to know the answer, because he doesn’t wait for Sehun’s reply before he says, “I spoke to him earlier today. He’s stressed out over this whole thing and he’s worried about you. You should give him a call.”

The side of his foot brushes against his phone and Sehun knows that Jongdae is right. Being upset at the situation is perfectly understandable, he knows, but she should never let that bubble over into being upset with Jongin.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I’ll call him.”

A couple of hours later, after Jongdae’s mini-me is finally tuckered out and ready to go home, Sehun walks the pair of them to the door and lets Jongdae pull him in for a hug. 

“We’re all here for you,” Jongdae reminds him. “Don’t be stubborn and try to handle this alone. And _call him_.”

The door shuts behind them and Sehun stares at the hook he had stuck on the back of it for what feels like eons before he moves. His first stop is the fridge, where he stands in the blast of cold air and dithers between beer and soju – ultimately, he chooses neither. Then, he grabs two packs of ramyun out of the cupboards and smacks a pot onto the stove. Ramyun is comfort food, and right now, he doesn’t care if the sodium causes his face to bloat the next day. 

As the water slowly comes to a boil, Sehun moves to the window and finally calls Jongin. 

Jongin picks up on the second ring. “Hey.”

For some inexplicable reason, Sehun finds that he’s been missing the sound of Jongin’s voice. 

“Hi. Sorry for not calling.” He hears familiar voices in the background and guesses that Jongin must still be in practice. Suddenly, Sehun wishes that his schedule was packed again. Working would give him something else to focus on. 

“It’s okay.” Footsteps, then a door opening and closing. The voices fade into nothingness. “I understand. How’re you holding up?”

“I’m –” Sehun shrugs, then rolls his eyes when he realises Jongin can’t see him. “I’m alright. You?”

Jongin hums. “Going a little insane, actually, from how often my phone has been going off recently. I’ve been getting a lot of texts from a lot of people, and not to mention a flood of comments – both congratulatory and accusatory – from fans on Instagram. Mum called last night; she spent a good five minutes cursing the company after I told her what happened.”

That has Sehun cracking a smile. “Really? Mine called me to defend you. She was so passionate about her cause to clear your name that I almost didn’t want to tell her it was all a lie.”

“Remind me to send your mother a huge gift basket for keeping my honour.”

Phone cradled against his cheek, Sehun leans against the windowsill and gazes out at the passing traffic. For a while, neither one speaks. 

Then, Jongin says: “The company has arranged for us to give an interview.”

“Us?” The moment he utters the word, Sehun figures out the answer. “Oh. You and her.”

A pregnant pause. Sehun walks back to the stove and rips open the ramyun packets. He dumps the noodles into the boiling water. 

“When?”

“Tomorrow or the day after, I think. They want to get it out of the way as soon as possible, hopefully let the commotion die down a little before the SuperM album drops. They gave us –” Jongin cuts himself off and Sehun listens as he greets a few trainees. “Sorry. What was I saying? Oh yeah, they gave us a script. All the approved questions and all the approved answers…”

Frowning into his open fridge, Sehun fishes out a couple of eggs and the rest of his sliced cheese. He nearly curses when he realises that he’s out of kimchi. 

“A script? How fitting. I heard she’s a rookie actress.”

Jongin laughs, but it sounds a little strained. “Yeah, this will give her some good practice, huh? Maybe after – yeah?”

“...to come back.”

He only manages to pick up the tail end of the sentence, but if his ears haven’t failed him, that voice belongs to Ten. 

“You have to go?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. I’m sorry. I’ll call you later?”

Sehun cracks an egg open into the pot. “Okay. Have a good practice, we’ll talk later.”

“Yeah, okay. I lo–” He catches himself just in time. 

Oh, how his heart aches. 

“I know. I love you too.”

After more than a handful of hours have passed and the moon is heavy in the sky, Sehun buries under the covers and pretends he doesn’t hear the vibrations of his phone from where it’s tucked under a pile of pillows on the other side of the bed. 

The vibrations stop eventually, leaving Sehun feeling a little bereft and more than a little guilty. But he stops himself from reaching for the phone and forces sleep to come instead. 

One day at a time. They’ll just have to take things one day at a time. 

  
The days do go by, surprisingly, and after the initial doom and gloom of it all, Sehun finds that there is a silver lining to this entire fake relationship fiasco. After years of tiptoeing around and being extra cautious with everything they do, they suddenly no longer have to worry about dating rumours hitting headlines, not when Jongin is said to be in a relationship with one of the most popular rookie actresses in the nation.

They take full advantage of this, spending time with each other out in public and without any form of disguise. 

_EXO’s Kai Seen Out with Fellow Member Sehun: Celebrating Reveal of Relationship?_

_EXO’s Sehun Helps Bandmate Kai Pick Out Flowers_

_Future Best Man? A Look Into the Long Friendship Between EXO’s Kai and Sehun_

These headlines amuse him, although definitely not in the sincerest of ways. But Sehun will deal with the headlines if it means being able to walk through parks in the sunlight with Jongin by his side, swarming fans in the near distance be damned. Jongin’s even stayed the night a couple of times, and despite getting an earful from their managers, there haven’t been any other consequences. 

But of course, with benefits also come drawbacks. It’s cruel in how the drawbacks come after what seems like a brief respite. 

A couple of weeks after the news broke, Sehun goes onto Instagram and scrolls through his members’ Stories. The shock that floods his veins at Jongin’s has him instinctively reaching for an ornamental vase, fingers clenched around the neck and arm poised to fling it at the nearest wall. Jongin, _his_ boyfriend, had posted a brief video of _her_ hand in his, arms swinging as they walked to god-knows-where. 

It takes a few deep breaths for Sehun to regain his composure, peeling his fingers off the vase one at a time until it settles back onto its perch with a slight wobble. Then he turns his phone off, changes, and leaves home for the company. 

_It’s all part of the act,_ he repeats to himself throughout the twenty-minute drive, almost like a mantra. _It’s all part of the act._

And so, Sehun finds himself thrown – quite unceremoniously, might he add – into taking on a challenge he never thought he would have to. He juggles The Secret Relationship, The Cover-Up Relationship, The Jealousy that comes with seeing his boyfriend with someone else, and The Maturity he knows he should have in response to this entire shitstorm (but doesn’t seem to have). 

It’s horrible, to say the very least. 

His members check up on him occasionally, but for the most part, they leave him be. Chanyeol, as the one who spends the most time with Sehun nowadays, has taken it upon himself to act as though nothing has happened. Perhaps they think he wants the space or the privacy? Sehun knows it’s out of good intentions, and for the most part, he does appreciate the normalcy of it. 

But there are times where he wishes he could just let out his feelings without thinking he’d be placing a burden on the others’ shoulders. God, he misses Junmyeon. If Junmyeon was here, he’d know just what to do and say to sort out the mess inside Sehun’s head. Sleep doesn’t come easy now, not when a swarm of thoughts come rising out of the depths of his mind as soon as he closes his eyes. 

The worst part? He knows that this is only the beginning. 

  
Promotions for the EXO-SC album might have ended, but there’s still a whole lot of work to be done. He’s got to be up bright and early on a Sunday for a photoshoot concept meeting which is immediately followed by a CF filming, and Sehun doubts he’ll have time to eat a proper lunch before he has to head off to a table read for _Pirates 2._

His busy day tomorrow means that he should be in bed instead of pacing the length of his living room, but Jongin had texted a while ago asking if he could come over and Sehun has never really been good at denying what his heart wants. So here he is, waiting for a key to turn in the lock.

He’s sitting on the couch and staring at some nature documentary on the TV when the lock clicks. Jongin steps in, snapback pulled low over his eyes and mask covering the rest of his face. Despite the relative darkness of the apartment, Sehun can still tell that Jongin is exhausted – mentally, not just physically. 

Jongin toes off his shoes, removes his hat and mask, and walks over to the kitchen for a glass of water. Neither one of them speaks and Sehun tracks the other’s every move, from the stretch of his hand into the cupboards to the way his throat works as he drains the glass. 

It’s only after the glass is rinsed and set aside does Jongin say something. He turns, weight resting on the counter behind him, and says, “I have to take her on a date. Tomorrow.”

Sehun keeps his face impassive. “That’s to be expected, is it not?”

“Sure. But expecting it is a lot less real than actually having to do it. It’s a full-blown date, Sehun. And it’s gonna be documented. There will be photographs everywhere.”

He looks so agitated by the thought of it that Sehun doesn’t try to fight the need to go to his side. Jongin reaches out for him once he’s within arm’s reach and Sehun meets him halfway, resting a hand against the curve of Jongin’s jaw. He thumbs at the shadow underneath his eye and murmurs, “Take her to that Japanese restaurant we went to that one time. The really fancy one with the shitty soba and mediocre broth.”

Jongin stares at him, lips parted in surprise, then suddenly snorts in laughter. “You know what, that’s a great idea.”

“I’m always full of great ideas,” Sehun shrugs, a smile playing along the seam of his lips. “Just remember not to get any noodles.”

Humming, Jongin pulls him that much closer. Sehun steps between his legs, letting Jongin rest his head against his chest, and he cards fingers through strands of hair that have the remnants of styling product clinging to them. 

“I’m sorry you have to do this,” he says, quiet.

“It’s for us.” Jongin’s hands are warm against the small of his back. “I’d do anything for us. And honestly, you have it worse; I don’t know how I’d handle it if I had to watch you date someone else.”

Sehun presses a kiss to the crown of Jongin’s head. “You staying the night?”

“Yeah, please.”

“Okay. Shower?”

“Will you join?”

Sehun pulls away and holds out a hand for Jongin to take. “I’ll wash your hair for you.”

It’s late enough by the time they climb into bed that Sehun knows no amount of coffee will alleviate his sleepiness tomorrow, but having Jongin pressed up against him makes up for the hours of lost sleep and so much more. Body pliant, Sehun welcomes Jongin’s weight on him and they trade languid kisses, too tired for anything more but wanting at least a taste of what could be. 

“I might not be here when you wake up,” Sehun all but whispers, not wanting to shatter the illusion of peace and serenity with his voice. 

“Yeah, you have a busy day tomorrow. Sorry I’m keeping you up.”

Sehun catches Jongin’s bottom lip between his teeth. One gentle tug and he lets go. “It’s okay, you know I would always choose you over sleep.” 

There’s a shift of weight, then Jongin mouths at the juncture of Sehun’s neck and exhales, warm air fanning over skin. He keeps his head tucked under Sehun’s chin. “I know. But we should be responsible and sleep.”

It takes a bit of manoeuvring, but Jongin eventually manages to pull Sehun’s back against his chest and fling a leg over his hip. They’ve shared a bed for years and this little quirk of his hasn’t changed in the slightest – he grumbles whenever he doesn’t get to cling to Sehun like a koala clings to an eucalyptus tree. 

Jongin falls asleep within minutes, breaths slow and steady against the back of Sehun’s neck. Wanting to enjoy this for a little while longer, Sehun fights through the heaviness of his eyelids and wills himself to stay awake, gaze fixed on the wall across the room.

He counts along to the rise and fall of Jongin’s chest and finds himself thinking about that one time years ago where they had to film themselves meditating – counting breaths back then was impossible, both of them too overwhelmed with the giggles to even try and attempt to even out their breathing. Time passes too quickly sometimes, Sehun reflects, and closes his eyes. 

  
Ever since debut, Sehun has always preferred group interviews over individual ones. There’s just a better atmosphere when they’re all together, and there’s less pressure to come up with the perfect answer to a question when you know the others have your back. Everyone has days where all they want to do is sit and listen instead of coming up with witty quips that will have the interviewer laughing, you know? 

Today, that could not be more true. He’s rooted in his seat across an exuberant young lady with eyes as big as her personality, and they are accompanied by two (or three) cameras vying to capture a good shot of his expression as the question hangs heavily in the air.

It’s not the first time he’s been asked this question, but it’s the first time Chanyeol isn’t around to step in. 

_What are your feelings regarding Kai’s new relationship?_

It’s been almost two months since the news came out – _why_ won’t they stop asking this goddamn question? Does the press have no better news to report on? Are there no other scandals that nosy reporters can dig out? This publication has always asked good, thought-provoking questions, so he’d assumed that he would be safe. He assumed that the interview would mostly be centred around his participation in _Pirates 2,_ perhaps a few questions about the new album or future EXO plans. If he’d known that this would be on the agenda for today’s interview, he would’ve cancelled without any hesitation whatsoever. 

“He’s really happy,” Sehun says after a much-needed moment of thinking. He speaks slowly, carefully, because he knows a single slip-up could cost them everything. “As long as he is happy, then so am I.”

“Would you say that they are a good match in terms of personality? Perhaps future goals when it comes to family and settling down?”

Sehun blinks. Settling down?

“I – I can’t say. I don’t know her well enough. But Kai is not the type to be with someone who doesn’t mesh well with him, so I can say with a degree of confidence that yes, they are a good match.”

The words burn in his throat, but at least they have been spoken. 

There’s an odd look on the interviewer’s face, however, and Sehun feels his stomach plunge. 

“You don’t know her well? But haven’t they been dating for nearly a year?”

 _No_ , is what Sehun nearly says. He goes with, “Yeah, but he likes to keep his relationship private.”

“Even with you and the rest of the members?” 

Sehun shrugs. “We’re all entitled to our own privacy. And we all have secrets.”

She hums, thoughtful. 

Sehun’s tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth and swallowing physically hurts. 

  
The weather has just started to take on a hint of a chill when Sehun receives news that Jongdae would be enlisting soon. It puts him in a glum mood instantly; he loves his members, loves spending time with them and being around them, but here they are, all leaving him for far too long. 

He feels like a kid for getting upset at this, especially when some have already enlisted and more will be enlisting in the future, but he’s done ignoring his own emotions. If he wants to pout and have the older ones coddle him, then he will do just that, damnit. 

Management tells them all that they will be having a group gathering for publicity’s sake – which is fine, that’s to be expected – and that Jongin’s ‘girlfriend’ would be joining them – which is most decidedly _not_ fine and definitely _not_ expected. 

During the car ride home that night, Sehun rests his head against the window and wonders if this decision was made because of his comment all those days ago about not knowing her well enough. The car goes over a bump on the road and his head bounces heavily off the window; Sehun takes the sharp burst of pain in stride. 

At least he’s got a few weeks to mentally prepare himself for it, he supposes. Just the thought of having to see her in person next to Jongin, probably holding his hand or kissing him on the cheek…it makes his gut churn and has anger flaring deep in the pit of his belly. 

Logically, Sehun knows that it’s wrong of him to feel any sense of antagonism towards her. This entire fiasco isn’t her fault (she doesn’t even know why she’s been brought into this) and she’s simply upholding her part of the deal. He trusts Jongin with every fibre of his being, trusts that he won’t leave him in the dust and break his heart. 

But isn’t it also understandable for him to not want to be around her? It’s just human nature, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Filming for _Pirates 2_ , when it really gets underway, takes up most of his time and energy. But despite how little time he has for himself and to relax, the rush of filming a blockbuster keeps his adrenaline levels at a constant high. The novelty of it all proves to be a great distraction and he finds himself looking forward to each new day spent at the filming site with his co-stars and crew. 

Being on set puts him in a good enough mood that when Chanyeol texts him about the upcoming dinner to confirm his attendance (he words the question in a very vague, long-winded way, but Sehun’s able to read through the lines: _please don’t bail_ ), he replies without hesitation. 

_yeah i’ll be there, don’t worry_

_If it’s any consolation, we’re going to your favourite restaurant_

It’s not any consolation, but Sehun shrugs it off and sets his phone aside in favour of his script. 

Across the room, the hour hand of the clock hanging on the wall ticks to twelve and Sehun burrows a little deeper into his covers. He’s got Jongin’s pillow clutched to his chest, the scent of the man still clinging stubbornly to the fabric of the pillowcase, and he breathes in deep as his gaze scans over his lines. 

His hair is getting long, Sehun thinks absently, sweeping his bangs out of his face and trying to tuck them behind his ear so he can get a clear view of the papers. But his hair is not long enough to stay put and it tumbles back into his line of sight, sending his mind suddenly veering off course. Sitting there with his back cushioned by pillows and toes kept warm with the help of his duvet, Sehun finds himself thinking about the many (countless, really) times Jongin has buried fingers in his hair and carded them through the strands, lips forming words like _you’re breathtaking_ and _love it when your hair is long enough for me to grab._

Ah, here comes the ache of missing him. The last time they saw each other was two weeks ago, just before that blasted interview, and they’ve been too busy with various commitments to find time to meet since. 

No matter how many times he experiences this, it will never get any easier. 

Is he free? Sehun wonders. Caught up in practice? Or is he busy spending time with someone else?

In a sudden reverse of events, Sehun drops the script and reaches for his previously abandoned phone. Muscle memory does the work for him, tapping the correct parts of his screen in order to place a call to Jongin in mere seconds. 

The line rings thrice before Jongin answers. 

“Hi, I was just thinking about you.”

Ah, he must be alone then. 

“Are you home?”

“Yeah, just got back from a horrible session of physio.” In the background, Sehun hears the telltale sound of a refrigerator opening and closing. “My left knee has been acting up recently so I wanted to get it looked at before it got any worse.”

“You’re okay?”

“Sore from the physio but I’m good.” There’s the rush of tap water and the clink of a glass. “You?”

“Mm, good enough.” Sehun sits up and flings the sheets off his body in anticipation. “Will be better if I can come over.”

“Of course. Take your time though, I gotta take a shower first.”

Pleased, Sehun ends the call and goes hunting for his favourite pair of sweats. He’s out of the house in minutes, keys in one hand and phone in the other as he types out a quick text to their manager informing him of where he’s headed. It’s a recent rule, having to report their private meetups to management just so they can be better prepared if a nosy reporter decides to try and fuck up their lives again. 

It’s definitely an invasion of privacy, but Sehun would rather feel invaded by people he knows than total strangers. 

The drive to Jongin’s place is quiet, streets empty enough for Sehun to set a nice, cruising pace with a hand resting on the wheel. Music plays softly through the sound system and Sehun’s mind remains blissfully blank. 

It’s almost one in the morning by the time he turns into Jongin’s compound and locates the extra lot registered under Jongin’s name. Sehun eases his car into the space next to Jongin’s and steps out, breath misting in the cold morning air. He looks around, now wary of places that are just a little too quiet. 

When he sees nothing, not a single shadow flickering past under a streetlamp or the rustling of leaves, he heads into the building. 

He keeps the bill of his snapback low over his eyes throughout the entire trip up the elevator and through the hallways, head bowed as he keys in the code to Jongin’s door. With a soft beep, it unlocks and Sehun steps inside. 

A floor lamp is the only source of illumination in the living room, the bulb casting a warm glow over the space. The dogs aren’t in today, so Sehun is greeted with silence instead of excited nips at his ankles and wagging tails. As he toes off his shoes and plucks the hat off his head, he hears the shower running and Jongin singing, words muffled by walls and water but sounding lovely all the same. 

Sehun smiles to himself, loving how safe he feels in this place. He gets himself a glass of water and ambles over to where Jongin has a whole display shelf of photos; Jongin likes to change the photographs regularly, so whenever Sehun visits, he makes it a point to check out the featured photos. There are a few of just the two of them – a mirror photo of them in a practice room, a photo of them cuddling with the dogs taken with the help of the phone’s timer, a blurry selfie of them kissing, laughter evident on their faces. 

He brushes his fingertips over the last one. 

If these photos are up, it must mean that people who don’t know of their relationship have not stepped foot inside. The fact eases the ever-present knot in his stomach, just a little. 

Just as he’s about to head into the bedroom, he hears the rush of water stop and a muted thud that is probably Jongin bumping into something. For someone who has danced for most of his life, the man sure is clumsy. Pulling off his jumper, Sehun slides across Jongin’s sheets and grins at the feeling of expensive silk against bare skin. Life’s small pleasures. He rolls onto his front and stares at the gigantic stuffed bear sitting in the corner of the room, a gift from him a couple of years ago. 

“Sehun? You here?” Drifts from the bathroom.

“I’m here,” he calls back, wriggling under the covers. “Getting comfortable in your bed, don’t mind me.”

He’s starfishing on the bed, one arm bent to hold his phone as he aimlessly scrolls through social media, when Jongin comes out of the bathroom and beelines to his side. There’s a lot of laughing and nudging, elbows and knees digging into each other until they finally get comfortable, Jongin on his back while Sehun remains on his stomach, chin resting on Jongin’s chest. 

A couple of pillows end up on the floor, but neither one cares. 

“Hi.”

“Missed you,” Sehun says, preferring to get straight to the point. 

It’s worth it, because Jongin smiles down at him, damp hair flopping into his crinkled eyes. He’s warm, body heat and the residual warmth from his shower still clinging to his bare skin. Sehun presses a little closer. 

“Missed you, too. How has filming been? Super busy? Bet you’re having a ton of fun though.”

“My arms are constantly sore from holding a bow, so that’s not very fun. But actually shooting with the bow and doing stunts is pretty damn fun.” Jongin’s hand comes to rest on the crown of his head and Sehun pushes up into the touch. “My co-stars are really nice too, so filming’s been great.”

The hand trails down to his temple, then his cheek, then Sehun props himself up on his elbows to let Jongin cup his jaw. 

“Cute,” Jongin says, “you sound like a child getting to play in the world’s biggest sandbox.”

A thumb settles on his lips and Sehun nips at it with a little extra teeth.

Jongin’s eyes darken imperceptibly and he pinches Sehun’s chin between his fingers. “C’mere.” A gentle tug and Sehun follows, shuffling up Jongin’s frame to close the distance between their lips. It starts off chaste, a simple press of lips against lips, then Sehun rises up on his knees and swings one across Jongin’s hips, plastering his torso against the heat of Jongin’s body. 

He slots their mouths together, humming when Jongin’s lips part easily under his. There are warm hands on his waist, thumbs skating over smooth skin as Sehun licks into Jongin’s mouth and sucks on his bottom lip, languid and lazy. Jongin kisses just like he loves – enthusiastically, passionately, demandingly, and Sehun always counts his lucky stars that he’s the one on the receiving end. 

They make out for a few great minutes, Sehun inhaling lungfuls of Jongin’s freshly showered scent and basking in the way a hand’s running down the length of his back, fingertips bumping against the waistband of his sweats. 

Then Jongin grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls, and Sehun finds himself staring up at the ceiling through lidded eyes as Jongin mouths a hot line down his neck. 

“It’s late, no?” His voice is low, a little rough, and it sends a thrill zinging through Sehun’s blood.

“Don’t have to be on set until early afternoon.” A kiss is pressed to the hollow of his throat. 

Before Sehun can say anything else, Jongin kisses him again, tongue a livewire against the roof of his mouth, the backs of his teeth. He grabs fistfuls of the pillow Jongin’s head is on and rolls his hips down with clear intent, smiling into the kiss when he feels Jongin’s grip on him tighten.

He can’t feel much thanks to how thick his sweats are, but there’s no mistaking the shape of Jongin’s cock against the side of his thigh, half-full. The fingers in his hair disappear and Sehun has a couple of seconds to gather his wits before he’s flipped over, legs falling apart to accommodate Jongin’s frame between them. 

Jongin pulls back, lips slick with spit and kiss-swollen, and Sehun chases after them. Jongin gifts him with one more kiss, then gently pushes Sehun back down with a hand loosely wrapped around the base of his throat. His thumb strokes along the line of his pulse and comes to rest in the dip behind his ear, and Sehun gazes down at the crown of Jongin’s head as the latter carves out lines of arousal down his chest. 

Teeth along his clavicle, bold sweeps of his tongue over the peaks of his nipples, kisses down his sternum. Sehun watches, throat dry and lips sore from how he’s gnawing at them, as Jongin pulls a nipple into his mouth and sucks, fingers pressing bruises into his hips. 

The flick of Jongin’s tongue across the nub punches out a thin moan from his lungs and Sehun can already imagine the flash of satisfaction in Jongin’s eyes. He can’t see his face, but they’ve lain together enough times for Sehun to know that Jongin absolutely loves the sounds he makes. 

Jongin works the nipple in his mouth until it’s tender and oversensitive, at which point he releases it, blows a gentle stream of air over it just to feel Sehun shudder beneath him, then moves down to the taut plane of his stomach. 

Dragging both hands down Sehun’s sides and towards the centre of his belly, Jongin hooks fingertips into the band of his sweats. 

“What do you want?”

Sehun lifts his hips and Jongin rids him of his clothes. “Just you. In whichever way you want to give me.”

At the first curl of Jongin’s hand around his cock, Sehun sighs, feeling the rest of his blood rush south. There’s no sense of urgency in the air, evident in how Jongin steadily strokes him from root to tip, using the slick beading at the head to smooth the way, twisting on the way up just for that extra kick.

Sehun lets him have his fun for a while, heels digging into the bed as Jongin works his cock and sucks bruises into the flesh of his inner thighs, the coil in his gut tightening bit by bit. But he puts a stop to it at one point, because he would like to come with Jongin inside him, thank you very much. 

He reaches back under the pillow to where they’d stashed lube between the mattress and the headboard (the bedside drawers are simply too far for easy access) and tosses the bottle in Jongin’s direction. It rolls, bumps against his own ankle, and Jongin picks it up. 

Jongin pulls back and Sehun eyes the faintly mottled skin of his thighs, flushed red in areas where Jongin’s mouth has been. Looks like art, he thinks. 

He lets Jongin push his knees up to his chest and he holds them there, toes wriggling as he waits for what he knows is coming. There’s another kiss pressed to the back of his thigh, then sure enough, he feels lube being spread over his hole, smoothing out into a thin, even film. 

But instead of feeling a finger slip in to ease the ache, Sehun feels a fingertip gently petting at his hole, just enough pressure for his gut to clench in desire but nowhere near enough to stoke the flames. It drives him crazy, somehow, and he lies there with his cock flushed and hot on his belly, breaths coming shallow as Jongin continues to rub circles around his entrance. 

Sehun stares at the tiny puddle of precome just off to the side of his belly button for what feels like eons before he finally snaps. 

“I swear, Jongin, if you do not put something inside me in the next five seconds, I’m –”

Two fingers sink into the knuckle and Sehun’s shocked gasp fades out into a moan. 

“You will –?” Jongin prompts, fingers moving almost lazily in their preparation of the person surrounding them. He crooks them, grins as Sehun’s cock twitches in response. 

“Uhn?”

Jongin crooks his fingers again, drags the pads across where Sehun is the most sensitive. Sehun’s hips lift off the bed in search for friction he will never find in the air. 

“You didn’t finish your threat.”

A pause, then Sehun swats blindly at him and Jongin huffs out a laugh. “Don’t be annoying,” Sehun says, failing to sound upset. “Or no kisses later.”

Jongin gasps. “You wouldn’t!”

He scissors his fingers a few times, testing the give of Sehun’s entrance, then deems him relaxed enough for a third. As always, he’s right, and Sehun welcomes the addition with a happy hum. It doesn’t take much longer after that for Sehun to squeeze down around those digits, a silent sign that he wants more.

Jongin rises up and braces himself with hands on either side of Sehun’s head, and Sehun smiles up at him, thinking about how _cute_ it is that Jongin always wants to look right into his eyes when he slides in for the first time. 

After what feels like far too long and yet not long enough, Jongin bottoms out, pelvis flush against the flesh of Sehun’s bottom. Sehun closes his eyes, a hand curled around Jongin's forearm as the other fumbles for ever-familiar fingers to hold. 

“Mm,” he sighs. Like this, connected in more ways than one, he can almost feel Jongin's heartbeat reverberating inside him. 

“Good?” Jongin rumbles, hips rolling in tune to his voice. 

“Always.”

His legs cinch around Jongin's waist and he keeps them there, ankles crossed as Jongin starts moving in earnest, each snap of his smooth and deep. 

Jongin drinks in the short gasps, drawn-out moans, and messy iterations of his name that Sehun utters, mouth pressed to the other's as he fucks him harder and faster. Tonight isn't a night for long, indulgent sex, but neither one minds this one bit. 

Sehun's mouth is fire-red when he breaks away to look down at where they're joined, hips rocking up to meet Jongin's thrusts. He clenches down on Jongin, shivering when his prostate is nudged, when he arches his back and his cock rubs up against the plane of Jongin's stomach. 

A particularly rough thrust has him keening, head tossed back as an orgasm builds in the pit of his belly. Jongin licks at a drop of sweat by his pulse point and kisses the corner of his mouth – Sehun comes with no oxygen in his lungs and Jongin's name hot on his tongue. 

He drifts off for a minute, and when he finally returns to himself, Jongin has stopped moving and there is a familiar wetness inside him. 

“Love you,” he mumbles, nosing at Jongin's jaw. 

“Love you,” Jongin returns, and they both groan when he eases out. 

They make quick work of clean-up, then Jongin turns the lights off and pulls Sehun into his arms. They fall asleep in seconds.

  
Sehun is dithering over which coat to wear when his doorbell rings. He blinks at his reflection, confused, then throws the coats in his hands onto his bed before hurrying out. 

Through the peephole, Sehun sees Jongdae standing on the other side of his door. Eh?

“What are you doing here?” He says as soon as the door opens. “I thought we were all meeting at the restaurant?”

Jongdae shrugs, a gentle smile on his lips. “Yeah I know, but I was nearby and thought I’d go with you instead. If you don’t mind, of course.”

Sehun pulls him inside and smacks a container full of cookies into Jongdae’s hands. “I don’t mind, but I’m not done getting ready yet. Wait here! Those cookies are Kyungsoo’s recipe, tell me if I did it any justice.”

He doesn’t like it when people are forced to wait for him, so Sehun heads back into his room, shrugs on a random coat, fixes his hair, and spends a minute or two hunting for his wallet.

Jongdae’s licking his fingers clean when he comes back out. 

“These are good,” Jongdae praises. “Kyungsoo would be proud.”

Sehun grins. “Awesome, now I can tell him in our next call that he has been dethroned.”

Chuckling, Jongdae slings an arm around Sehun’s shoulders and guides him out of the apartment. 

Alright, Sehun isn’t dumb. He knows exactly why Jongdae is here, and 90% of the reason is _not_ that he was in the area. The guy wants to provide support while he’s around to do so, and while Sehun thinks it’s unnecessary – he can handle having a meal with her, he’s sure –, he’s more than happy to let Jongdae do this for him. He’s gonna miss Jongdae so much. 

They get into their separate cars and Sehun follows as Jongdae drives towards the restaurant. He’d left home relatively calm, but by the time they pull up to the restaurant and ease their cars into empty lots, Sehun’s fingers ache from how hard he’s been clutching at the wheel. 

Engine off, Sehun sits in his car for a good thirty seconds or so just to breathe. He sees Jongin’s car already here, and Chanyeol’s parked a few lots down from the rest of them. _Okay_ , he exhales, _it’s just a meal. An hour and a half, tops. A concert takes more time._

A gentle knock on the window has him jumping in his seat. Jongdae is there, pointedly ignoring the growing flock of fans gathering around. Sehun blinks, then hurries to unbuckle his seatbelt and open the door. Can’t let Jongdae fend off the fans by himself when he’s so close to leaving, after all.

He locks his car and waits for Jongdae to fall into step with him before making a beeline for the restaurant’s doors, eyes cast low to avoid accidentally looking into a fan’s camera. Typically, he’s all for making a fan’s day, but it’s not a surprise that he isn’t in the mood today. 

They enter the restaurant, leaving the ruckus behind, and Sehun drags his feet over in the direction of Chanyeol’s booming laughter. Jongdae gives him a gentle nudge and Sehun squares his shoulders, sets his jaw, and goes to join his members. 

She’s already there, seated prettily next to Jongin like a flower blooming under the light of a thousand suns. He’s polite when he greets her, bows low and offers up a smile. When he takes his seat diagonally across from Jongin and squished between Jongdae and Chanyeol, he lets his gaze drift up and lock with Jongin’s; the other’s expression is unreadable, and Sehun figures his is much the same. 

He does, however, find comfort in the gap between her and Jongin; undetectable by the average person, but very obvious to someone who is used to being all up in Jongin’s personal space, willingly given. 

As the evening progresses and Sehun is forced to see the fake couple interact, he realises just how well their personalities fit. Management did a good job, he grudgingly admits, because if he didn’t know where Jongin’s heart lies, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jongin actually fell for her. She’s shy at times but rambunctious at others, clearly close to her family, and incredibly ambitious. _And_ she’s gorgeous. Jongin definitely doesn’t deserve any less.

Between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the atmosphere remains lighthearted and easy, much to Sehun’s relief. He eats quietly, speaking at the appropriate times and laughing when he’s prompted. She doesn’t try to engage him in conversation – perhaps instinct tells her that she won’t find much success if she tries. Jongin acts like he always does, eyes crinkling when Baekhyun says something silly, brows furrowed when he reads a text about work, food pinched between his chopsticks that he places into her bowl. 

Sehun sits a little farther away from the table than he usually would, keeping his own bowl out of Jongin’s reach. Not so much to prevent Jongin from giving him food (which he would, if they were in the safety of their homes), but more so to prevent himself from wanting Jongin to do so. 

But then they reach for the same piece of tangsuyuk and Sehun freezes, eyes automatically flicking up to Jongin’s face. Jongin is already looking at him, gaze searching, and Sehun clears his throat just as Jongin says, “You have it.”

A gentle smile, one that almost reaches his eyes, but not quite. 

“Thank you,” Sehun says. Jongdae sets a comforting hand on his knee. 

  
Jongdae enlists on a Monday and Jongin isn’t there to see him off. No one blames him; he’s been swamped with preparations for the upcoming release of his solo album and they all know just how much work is required. He calls soon enough, however, and Sehun listens to the echoey crackle of Jongin’s voice through the phone from where it’s pressed against Jongdae’s ear. 

After the call ends, Jongdae turns to him and reaches up to pinch his cheek. It’s moments like this that brings Sehun back to when they were still trainees, when the others would coddle him and make sure he has everything he could ever need to be happy. 

“Hang in there,” Jongdae says. He looks so different with his hair buzzed off. Sehun doesn’t know if he likes it. 

Sehun grants Jongdae a short “Mm,” as a response and fights to swallow past the tightness in his throat. Hang in there for what? Jongdae’s absence? The filming of his movie? Jongin not being his when he is? Too many questions, and Sehun doesn’t want any answers. 

They take their traditional photograph of hands on a freshly shorn head and Sehun clings to Jongdae perhaps a few seconds too long. Jongdae lets him, a hand on the back of Sehun’s head and a small smile on his face when Sehun finally pulls back. 

“Be well, I’ll still be here if and when you need me.”

Then he’s gone, and Sehun stays rooted in his spot for a long time before Baekhyun reaches out to pull him back into the car. 

  
His breath mists in the air as soon as he exhales and Sehun yanks his coat tighter around him in retaliation. He has a love/hate relationship with winter – he loves the fashion but hates how quickly his ears and nose go numb, loves how Jongin would keep him warm in bed but hates how Jongin would shove snow down his back whenever he has the opportunity to do so. 

They’ve rented a villa to celebrate the release of Jongin’s solo album and the place is packed with people, from fellow artists to everyone who worked on the album behind the scenes, from Jongin’s dogs to his beloved niece and nephew, and _her_. 

When she walked into the house, Sehun met Jongin’s gaze from the other end of the room and caught a glimpse of distress before he looked away, turning back to his conversation that he was barely paying any attention to. He’d expected her there, of course, but at least the sheer amount of people means that he could go a long time without needing to be aware of her immediate presence. Things are going alright, so far, Sehun has to admit. 

A couple of hours into the night, Sehun decides that he needs a breather, which has led to where he is now.

Out on the deck, socked feet stuffed into too-small slippers and hands deep in the pockets of his coat. The sky is a dark wash of blue ink, a smattering of stars across the expanse like freckles on skin. He rests his weight against a wooden ledge, shoulders drawn up in a futile attempt to shield his ears from the cold breeze, and watches as cars in the distance drive by. 

He’s outside by himself for five, maybe ten, minutes when the door slides open behind him and two children tumble out. 

“Hi, Uncle Sehun!” They chirp in unison. Rahee hugs his left leg and Raeon the right, then they’re beaming up at him and running off into the garden before Sehun can return the hugs. 

Jongin settles into the space next to him, displacing some of the cold with his natural warmth. 

“They were getting antsy inside,” Jongin says in lieu of a greeting. “Thought I’d release them into the wild. There’s still snow on the ground, they can build a small snowman.” 

“A very small snowman,” Sehun says, looking pointedly around the garden. The kids have already stationed themselves by the only prominent pile of snow. 

A quiet laugh, then Sehun feels the press of Jongin’s body against his arm. 

“Dinner soon?”

“Won’t you be very busy? Album promotions and all.”

Jongin shrugs. “I’ll make time for you, you know that.”

There’s a piece of lint inside his pocket and Sehun picks at it. “Okay. Just let me know when.”

“I will,” Jongin says, and it sounds like a promise. 

The door opens once more behind them and a voice Sehun doesn’t recognise calls out for Jongin. 

“Go. I’ll watch the kids.”

He feels, rather than sees, Jongin pause. Then a hand closes around his forearm – Sehun turns to look at the other man and can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth. 

“I can handle them, you know.”

“I don’t doubt that; I’m positive they like you more than they like me.” Jongin’s eyes flit down to his lips and back up to his eyes. Sehun’s smile turns wistful. “I’ll be back in bit,” Jongin finishes. 

Sehun nods and the grip around his arm disappears. The door closes.

“Uncle Sehun! Do you have a carrot? I need a nose!”

  
There are so many bottles of champagne on the table.

Everyone’s got a flute of champagne in hand – the kids have apple juice – and they’re all packed into the room to toast Jongin for the success of his long-awaited solo album. Sehun focuses on keeping his champagne _inside_ the glass, which proves to be harder than expected thanks to Baekhyun hanging off his shoulders. 

Chanyeol demands attention, swinging a fork in the air like it’s the most efficient way to get everyone to settle down. It works, somewhat unsurprisingly, and Sehun watches as his friend launches into an impromptu speech about how proud he is of Jongin and how good the album is. He goes on and on until Jongin steps on his toes, at which point he yelps and lifts his glass.

“Okay okay,” he says. “To Jongin! May he have all the fangirls crying out of happiness!”

“Cheers!” 

Everyone’s got their arms outstretched, light reflecting off the sparkling liquid in their glasses. There’s a wave of clinking, followed by a chorus of “Congratulations!”, then a moment of silence as everyone takes a sip – only for Sehun to choke on his own mouthful when he sees Jongin lower his head to _kiss her._ It’s a chaste, close-mouthed kiss, and the evident space between their bodies is still there if one knows what to look for, but the sight of their mouths pressed together sears itself into Sehun’s brain and there’s no getting rid of it. 

He gets a thump to his back courtesy of Baekhyun, but the second falls short of its target when Sehun whirls around and squeezes his way through the crowd. Baekhyun calls out his name, just once, and then Sehun finds an empty bathroom and locks himself in it. The noise is muffled instantly, fading to a low drone in the back of his head. 

The champagne flute nearly topples off the sink when he sets it down, and it’s only thanks to his reflexes that it doesn’t shatter all over his feet. Sehun stares at his reflection, at the colour in his cheeks that comes from the alcohol and the blood pounding through his body. His eyes are wide, somewhat bloodshot and glossy, and there’s a tightness around them that Sehun hates. 

He breathes out, looks down at the whites of his knuckles, grip tight on the edge of the sink. 

It’s been months, and he’s tried his utmost best to handle it all with grace. It is, after all, his fault that they’re in this mess, despite what Jongin and the others say. There have even been moments where he felt like it was getting easier, where things almost felt normal, but he looks back at those times now and realises he’d been lying to himself. 

_I can’t do this._ He swallows, throat dry. _I can’t fucking do this, but I have to._

His fingers itch with the desire to pick up that blasted champagne flute and hurl it into the shower. 

Three knocks echo through the bathroom and Sehun jumps, turning to glare at the door. 

“Sehun?”

It’s his manager. Disappointment flares in the empty pit of his belly.

“Sehun, you okay?”

“Fine,” he calls, voice sharp. “Be out in a minute.”

Turning the faucet on, Sehun splashes water onto his face and lets drops roll down his neck, soaked up by the fabric of his sweater. He pats his face dry with tissues, gives himself another unimpressed look, and leaves the bathroom. The champagne flute sits abandoned on the sink. 

He stays with the kids for the rest of the night.

  
With Christmas and the new year looming on the horizon, _Pirates 2_ has paused filming for a few days to give all the cast and crew some time to relax and celebrate without needing to worry about starting the day at 4 in the morning in hair and make-up. 

Sehun spends his first day off sleeping in, waking up at noon with the sheets bunched around his shins and the imprint of his pillowcase on his cheeks. His limbs are heavy and his hair feels limp to the touch, so Sehun shuffles into the shower and blasts himself with cold water for a minute or two before he steps out, shivering. 

Towelling off, Sehun fishes out fresh clothes and dresses, humming to himself as he plods out of his room and towards his refrigerator. He stops as soon as he realises he’s humming one of Jongin’s songs. 

He finds the box of leftover chive pancakes and sticks it inside the microwave, then finds a clean mug to set under the spout of his coffee maker. As his meal of choice whirs away in the microwave, Sehun settles against the counter and stares out the huge window at the other side of the room. It’s a bleak day outside, the city covered in a dull shade of grey and a layer of frost. 

The microwave pings, the coffee maker spits out the last few drops of coffee, and Sehun twists around to grab a pair of chopsticks. 

He eats almost robotically – chew chew chew, swallow, chase with a mouthful of coffee, repeat. The chive pancakes are greasy on his tongue and his coffee is a little too bitter, but Sehun can’t really bring himself to care.

A part of him wishes he could go back on set and work for twelve hours, because then his brain would be filled with his lines instead of…all this noise. 

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Usually, he would have Christmas Eve dinner with his members, go home for Christmas dinner with his family, and rejoin the members for the countdown. This year, however, it seems tradition is no longer. Apart from plans to meet up following Minseok’s recent discharge from the army, there is an obvious lack of discussion in their group chat for Christmas _and_ New Year. Sehun tries not to think about why that is.

Stomach full and caffeine flowing in his veins, Sehun dumps the dishes into the sink and heads into his study. There is one foolproof way to waste time – and he wants to waste as much time as possible –, so Sehun settles into his gaming chair and clamps headphones over his ears. 

He plays League until the sun sets and his stomach calls for dinner. Unwilling to move, Sehun takes a few minutes of queue time to order some food from the restaurant a couple of blocks away. They’re fast and discreet, and their food tastes good. He leaves a note for the delivery person to set the food down by the door instead of ringing the bell and turns back to his computer. 

An hour later, however, his doorbell rings. Sehun frowns, irritation starting to simmer under his skin, and grudgingly recalls to base. He opens the door fully expecting to see the usual delivery guy with his food, but his eyes land on a very familiar set of lips and a pair of eyes instead.

“Uh?” He says, very eloquently. 

“Your food,” Jongin replies, lifting the bag. “Was out here when I arrived.” He pauses. “Can I come in?”

Sehun blinks. “Oh. Yeah.”

He steps aside and Jongin enters, toeing off his shoes before setting his food down on the kitchen counter. 

“Gaming?” He gestures towards the study, the only room where the lights are on.

“Yeah.”

“Go on then, I’ll just use your studio in the meantime.”

“...Okay.” Sehun, more than a little nonplussed, plucks his food off the counter and heads back into the study without another word. He loses the game, which doesn’t come as a surprise, what with his lack of ability to concentrate. Why is Jongin here? Sehun sits in his chair for several long minutes after he’s logged out, chopsticks in hand as he tries to think. 

He has barely made a dent in his dinner when he sets his chopsticks down. There’s no way he can stomach food right now. 

The door to his studio is closed. It’s a true testament to how good the soundproofing is when he stands right by the door and fails to hear even the low hum of bass. Sehun hesitates for a moment before he opens the door, peering inside to see Jongin running through some dance steps in front of the mirror. Jongin stops the music when he enters. 

“Hey.” Jongin wipes at a drop of sweat that’s inching down his temple. 

Sehun settles into the chair by the desk. 

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t come by just to use my studio.”

Something flickers in Jongin’s eyes. “No, of course I didn’t. I came to see you.”

See, that would have been the obvious answer, but Sehun’s brain hasn’t been working at full capacity today. They haven’t made plans for Christmas Eve, so he can’t really blame himself for wondering why on earth Jongin turned up at his door unannounced. 

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.”

Sehun draws his bottom lip through his teeth. “Yes.”

“We always spend Christmas Eve together.”

Sehun opens his mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again. “I didn’t think that would be the case this year.”

“Why?”

“...I assumed you would have other obligations.”

Across the room, Jongin leans against the mirrors. “I do have obligations. But you are not an obligation. I spend time with you because I want to, not because I have to.” A beat later and Jongin sighs, pushing off the glass and striding over to where Sehun is unmoving. 

“I need you to tell me the truth, Sehun.” Sehun stares as Jongin sinks to his knees in front of him, warm hands coming to cover his own. “Can you handle this?”

 _This_. Sehun doesn’t need to ask to know what he means. 

For the longest time, he stays silent and Jongin doesn’t push for an answer. 

Then Sehun draws a breath, curls his fingers into fists underneath the weight of Jongin’s hands, and shakes his head. “No. I can’t.” He exhales, suddenly feeling like he needs to cry. “I tried. I’m trying. But I can’t.”

Jongin’s thumb skates across the peaks and valleys of his knuckles. “Okay. I guessed as much, but I needed to hear it from you. I’m going to fix this, okay? But I need a bit of time. Can you wait?”

Alarm bells start pinging in Sehun’s brain. What? 

“What? What are you going to do? Jongin –”

Jongin squeezes his hand. “What I should have done months ago.”

He rises to his feet and tugs Sehun up before he can press further. “Shower? I could do with a hot one followed by a few movies in bed.” Okay, if Jongin doesn't want to get into it now, then it's a conversation for another day.

“You’re staying?”

Sehun winces at the blatant hope in his voice; judging by the gentle smile on Jongin’s face, he heard it too. 

“Yes, unless you would prefer it if I left?”

Scowling, Sehun yanks Jongin out of the studio, praying that his ears aren’t flaming red. 

  
Later that night, two and a half movies in, Sehun falls asleep to the soothing movements of Jongin’s hand through his hair. He doesn’t feel the kiss pressed to the crown of his head nor does he hear the quiet apologies weaved into his hair, but something in his heart settles. 

“Happy Christmas Eve,” he hears, and Sehun cracks an eye open to see Jongin’s bare chest rising and falling an inch away from his nose. He’s got a little crick in his neck from the position he’s in, half-splayed across Jongin’s torso, but he’s also warm and well-rested and loved. Loved, he reminds himself. 

Clearing his throat, Sehun rolls over onto his side and inches up to rest his head on the pillow instead. “You too.” Sunlight is doing its best to seep into the room through the curtains, casting a glow across Jongin’s skin and turning him gold. Sehun looks at him, feels his heart skip a beat at the weight in Jongin’s eyes when he looks back. 

Jongin inches closer, uncaring of stale breath when he covers Sehun’s mouth with his own, intent clear when he pushes Sehun onto his back and licks in deep. Sehun’s morning wood makes itself known when a hand skates up his stomach to settle around the curve of his ribs, thumb sweeping over the aching peak of a nipple. Sehun hums into the kiss and pulls Jongin’s body down onto his, rolls up into that solid weight and the line of Jongin’s erection.

They don’t speak, reluctant to shatter the peacefulness of morning and choosing to rely solely on their understanding of each other’s wants and needs to navigate the space around them. Jongin flips him around and Sehun goes, pliant and willing, face tucked into the crook of his elbow as Jongin shuffles down the bed and spreads him open. 

Jongin works him loose with his tongue and fingers, nose buried into the divot by Sehun’s spine as he breathes in the scent of Sehun’s lotion and the underlying notes of his skin. He licks at where his knuckles are keeping Sehun open and curls his tongue inside, kisses the snow-soft skin of each cheek. Each touch takes Sehun apart piece by piece until all he can do, voice caught somewhere in the depths of his body, is rut into the bedding as Jongin’s fingers skate over that spot inside him, teeth clamped over a mouthful of his pillow. 

When Jongin has painstakingly worked three fingers into him, hole wet and relaxed, he rises up to reach for the bottle of lube. With a kiss to Sehun’s cheek, Jongin slicks himself up and settles over the curve of Sehun’s ass, a knee on either side of his hips as he lines up.

He presses his clean hand down on the small of Sehun’s back, the other grasping his cock as he applies just the slightest pressure onto that waiting entrance. Sehun sighs, lashes trembling as he waits, waits waits waits, before –

Sehun moans, body giving way to Jongin until the man’s pelvis is flush against his ass, the length and girth of him so familiar that it feels right. Just like that, Jongin bent over Sehun’s prone frame, cock sheathed in Sehun’s warmth, he moves. Each push-pull of his hips is deliberate, a hard, smooth drive of his cock meant to gradually nudge Sehun closer to release. 

And Sehun takes all of it, pillow bunched up in his fists, soft sounds pushed out of his throat with each thrust. 

Minutes trickle by like sand and Jongin sticks to that maddeningly even pace, ignoring Sehun’s muted pleas of _faster, please, I need_ in favour of feeling Sehun shake under him, sweat clinging to his skin and muscles strung tight. 

When the coil of pleasure in his gut starts to tighten, Jongin stops the movement of his hips and simply grinds in deep, keeping a constant pressure on Sehun’s prostate as the latter clenches deliciously tight around him. 

“Jongin,” Sehun breathes, squirming. “Please –”

“Mm, come like this.” 

A groan, then Sehun tries to shift, tries to get some much-needed friction on his cock. Jongin stops him with another deep, filthy grind, nosing along the curve of Sehun’s neck as he muffles a moan into the pillow.

Jongin comes like that, with Sehun squeezing around him and all five senses focused on his beloved. Sehun shudders at the come filling him, at the thick pulses of Jongin’s cock, and gasps when Jongin suddenly slides out and manhandles him onto his back. 

In a split second, he feels his cockhead hitting the back of Jongin’s throat and he shouts out into the silence, hips forced back onto the bed with Jongin’s grip. Jongin swallows him down, fingers drifting back to his hole just to play with it, pushing a thin trail of come back inside and rubbing around the lax rim. He slips another finger in, hums around his mouthful of cock, and Sehun’s body trembles through his release. 

Jongin pulls off slowly and Sehun’s breath catches when he swipes his tongue over the slit. 

“Okay,” he exhales, pushing his hair out of his eyes with a shaky hand. Jongin sits up, lips swollen and skin flushed with that post-sex glow. “Yeah, Christmas.”

Jongin’s lips quirk. 

  
Christmas Day passes quietly. Sehun spends the day with his family, squabbling with his brother and letting his mother pamper him, curled up on the couch in sweats and Vivi’s weight on his lap. He showers them with gifts – the least he can do, really – and spends the night, all of them camping out in the living room like it’s an adventure. 

Jongin texts him once, when Sehun is squished into the side of the couch with barely any space to breathe, thanks to his terrified brother. They’re watching a horror movie, a tradition that they’ve had for years. Sehun isn’t sure why they decided on horror in the first place. 

_Happy Christmas, Sehun. Have a lovely day with your family, please let them know I wish them well. I left something for you in the top drawer of your desk. Thinking of you always._

When he gets home the next day, Sehun opens the drawer to find an ugly Christmas sweater and a USB stick. The bright green sweater has a dog’s face on it; Sehun grins, it looks like Vivi. He shrugs out of the sweater he has on and pulls the Vivi sweater on. It’s comfortable and warm, not the slightest bit scratchy. 

USB in hand, Sehun wakes his desktop from sleep and plugs it in. 

There’s one audio file. It turns out to be a song. 

It’s not one that Sehun has heard before, but it’s unmistakably Jongin’s voice. Barely a verse in and Sehun realises that it’s a love song. A song of stolen glances and uncertainty, of confessions and joy, of promises upon promises. It is also a song of heartbreak, of regrets and hurt and apologies. It’s a whirlwind of emotions stuffed into a track that’s barely three and a half minutes long, so overwhelming that it leaves Sehun breathless at the end of it, staring at the screen as his heart rattles away in his chest. 

Driven purely by need, he fumbles for his phone.

“Hello?”

“Jongin? Jongin, I love you, you know that right? I know recently things have been hard and I’m trying not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does, and I know that means I don’t tell you I love you as often as –”

“Sehun, I know. You don’t need to tell me, I always know. I love you too, then and now and in the future. It’s always going to be you.”

_But I need a bit of time. Can you wait?_

Sehun closes his eyes. He can wait. 

  
The rest of the year slips by like honey, minutes into hours into days until it’s New Year’s Eve and Sehun finds himself in Minseok’s house. 

It’d been a last-minute decision, one determined by Minseok and Junmyeon, both asserting that traditions should not be forsaken regardless of circumstances. Jongdae had bowed out from being there in person, wanting to spend his short vacation with his family, and Jongin is…nowhere to be found. But apart from them (and Yixing thousands of kilometres away in China), they’re all together once more. 

Sehun’s got his head on Junmyeon’s lap with a bowl of Kyungsoo’s homemade snacks in his hands, and he has to admit that this beats spending New Year’s Eve moping alone in his apartment. He’d expected Jongin’s absence – a New Year’s kiss is good material for the tabloids, after all –, so while it did make him a little despondent, it didn’t come as a surprise, and having the others around makes up for it.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol are on the carpet, a teetering Jenga tower between them, and Chanyeol is holding up his phone. The screen shows Jongdae’s face, brow wrinkled in thought as he studies the Jenga tower. 

“Move me to the right a little,” he says, and Chanyeol swings the phone to the right. “Fourth tier from the bottom, middle piece.”

Playing Jenga like this is a sure-fire way to lose, because Chanyeol and Baekhyun cannot help but tap into their troublemaking tendencies whenever they can. Jongdae knows just as much, but it’s the end of a tiring year, so why not indulge them when he’s able to do so?

Chanyeol removes the piece without sabotaging his friend and Baekhyun whoops, flopping over onto his stomach as he takes his turn. Behind them, the TV is turned to a channel hosting one of the many new year celebrations, volume tweaked low. 

A little over ten minutes left, Sehun notes, flicking his eyes towards the clock hanging up on the wall. Hopefully it’ll be a better year. 

He pops another sweet potato chip in his mouth and nudges Junmyeon in the leg. Junmyeon takes the hint, hand coming to settle in his unstyled hair to resume a gentle petting that has Sehun preening. 

“Jongdae, are you sure you want to keep playing?” Junmyeon’s saying, sounding doubtful. “You’re almost guaranteed a loss.”

Chanyeol looks over, offended. “Excuse me! I would _never_ purposefully –”

Baekhyun coughs loudly. On the screen, Jongdae’s got an eyebrow raised. Chanyeol pauses, then grins unabashedly. 

“Okay, I would. But not this time I swear!”

They continue playing, and three minutes before the clock strikes twelve, Chanyeol loses with an anguished wail. The tower collapses onto his foot and he tosses the phone at Baekhyun, who cackles at the screen and bids Jongdae goodbye. 

Minseok pads over in his fuzzy slippers and sets down a few empty wine glasses along with a bottle of wine. “Can’t ring in the new year without some alcohol,” he says, then leaves to unearth Kyungsoo from the kitchen. 

The wine is poured and glasses are handed out, and Sehun ditches Junmyeon’s lap in favour of heading over to the open windows. Minseok’s place has a great view, the space around the building open and airy instead of a concrete jungle. They’ll have a clear view of the fireworks later. 

It’s a little cold, standing by the open window, but Sehun pulls the sleeves of his sweater down around his hands and deals with it. A shoulder brushes his and Sehun turns to see Kyungsoo settling into the space next to him, his glass of wine nearly filled to the brim. Sehun eyes the crimson liquid, eyebrow lifted in amusement. 

“You sure you got enough wine?”

Kyungsoo eyes him, then takes a sip. “There’s more in the kitchen.”

Sehun snorts out a laugh. “That’s great, I’m very happy for you.”

Kyungsoo pushes his elbow gently into Sehun’s side.

“We’ve got fifty – no, forty-seven seconds until midnight,” Chanyeol says, appearing on Kyungsoo’s other side. “Another year gone, another year older.”

The wine warms him from the inside out and Sehun listens as the others chat about time. 

Ah, time. Sometimes he wants more of it, sometimes less, but time is a bitch and eternally refuses to cooperate. 

“Fifteen!” 

Sehun looks out at the cityscape and sees the city lit up in lights. The streets are mostly empty of vehicles, most people packed into countdown crowds or inside venues with friends and family. For a brief moment, Sehun wonders where Jongin is.

“Eight!”

Oh right, the countdown. 

Sehun tunes back into Chanyeol’s voice, eyes fixed on the expanse of black sky in front of them. 

“Five! Four!”

Wine sits heavily on his palate.

Three, two, one.

The sky lights up in a wash of bright colours, sparkling for a breath or two before dying out. Fleeting, Sehun thinks, like many, many things in life. 

Someone pulls him into a hug and kisses his temple. “Happy New Year, Sehun!”

It’s Junmyeon. Sehun returns the hug, mindful of their wine glasses, and smiles. He’s 95% sure it’s genuine. “Happy New Year.”

That sets off a chain of hugs and Sehun finds himself enveloped in the warmth of people he has come to acknowledge as brothers. Miles away, fireworks continue shooting into the sky, the weight of a new year entrusted upon the sparks. 

  
It’s fifty-two minutes past midnight and Sehun is sitting cross-legged on the carpet, a pile of cards in his hands as he yells with all his might. Baekhyun, his opponent, yells in response, and Sehun chokes on a laugh when he’s half a second too slow to slap his hand down on the jack.

“ _No_ ,” Baekhyun bemoans. Sehun ignores the tingling pain on the back of his hand courtesy of Baekhyun's poorly timed smack and gathers up the cards in the pile with a grin. 

“Getting old I see,” he says. “Where have your reflexes gone?”

Baekhyun throws a chip at him. 

Sehun shuffles his deck of cards – haha, Baekhyun only has eight remaining cards – and is just about to throw one down between them when the doorbell rings. 

Before Minseok can make it to the front door, the keypad beeps and the door swings open to reveal Jongin, cheeks tinged pink with cold and eyes bright with intent. He greets Minseok with a breathless _hello_ and a quick but vicious hug, then strides over to where Sehun is sitting.

Sehun blinks up at Jongin.

“Eh?” Baekhyun utters, taking the word right out of his mouth. 

“I ended it.”

That does not answer any of Sehun’s internal questions. 

“ _Eh?_ ” Baekhyun repeats. _Thank you_ , Sehun thinks absently, _very helpful._

Jongin sinks into a squat, his coat bunching up awkwardly around his hips. “The fake relationship. I ended it. I’m late because I had to spend hours convincing management.”

Oh. 

Sehun can feel his jaw dropping open. “ _What?_ ” 

The first emotion that zips through him is elation. Pure, unadulterated elation. But when reality catches up to him, alarm settles in. As always, Jongin reads him like an open book, and there’s a fond smile on his face when he reaches out to grasp the hand that has a card pinched between thumb and forefinger. 

“You’ve put up such a strong front for me, but I know it upsets you. I promised you all those years ago that I would never willingly upset you, do you remember? I broke that promise, have been breaking it every day for the past few months, and I don’t want to keep doing that.” Jongin plucks the card out of Sehun’s vice-like grip and flips it around. It’s an ace of hearts, and he places it face-up on the floor.

“I’ve tried placing myself in your shoes, but the truth of the matter is that I will never know what it feels like unless I have experienced it myself. And I do not want to. I don’t want to see you with someone else, even if I know it isn’t real. But you didn’t have the choice. You were forced to, and everything you went through, everything you sacrificed, was for me. For us. I cannot keep asking you to do so.

“So I told management that I’m done with it, and that they either release a statement or I would do it myself. Tonight, on Instagram or whatever. They wanted me to stick with the story for another half a year or so, said something about how people might assume it was a PR stunt if the relationship ended so soon after my album release, but I said it had gone on long enough. It’s no longer headline-worthy news, so I see no reason to keep up with the ruse.” 

Speechless, Sehun looks from Jongin’s face to the hand resting on his own and back again. 

“So,” Baekhyun says helpfully, like he’s on a mission to act as Sehun’s brain and mouth. “She’s gone?”

“Mm,” Jongin says, sounding so sure about it that Sehun’s heart twists happily. “We’ll no longer see her, unless it’s in a professional setting. They’re not happy, but I couldn’t care less.” Jongin tears his eyes away from Sehun to look at the wall. “Can someone do me a favour and wind that clock back to 11:59 P.M.?”

Junmyeon nearly trips over the carpet when he scrambles up to his feet, and it’s a testament to how unmoored everyone is when Chanyeol doesn’t tease their leader when he steps on a shelf in order to reach the clock. 

“Eleven fifty-nine and thirty-eight seconds,” Junmyeon reports. For once, time seems to be cooperating today. Junmyeon glances over at them and smiles; oh, Sehun is so happy for his presence in his life. 

Standing, Jongin pulls Sehun to his feet before digging around in a coat pocket and tossing something at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Sehun sees Chanyeol grinning at whatever is in his hands, but he doesn’t get to see what it is before Jongin cups his face and pulls him close.

“Eleven! Ten!” Chanyeol calls out cheerfully. 

“Sorry I didn’t make it here by midnight, but I figured you’d forgive me.”

“That’s okay,” Sehun croaks. “It’s probably midnight somewhere else in the world.”

“Four! Three!”

“Happy New Year,” Jongin says, soft and quiet, just for him. Then he kisses him, Sehun opening up like a flower graced by the sun. The deck of cards in his hand scatters all over the floor.

There are cheers and several loud pops – Sehun breaks the kiss and looks up to see bits of colourful confetti drifting down on them. God, Jongin really brought party poppers just so they can have their own New Year’s fireworks; Sehun flushes in happiness. With a laugh and a tug on Sehun’s warm ears, Jongin kisses him again, slow and balmy and clogging all of Sehun’s senses. 

“Thank you,” murmurs Jongin, the words brushing against his lips. _For everything_ , goes unsaid, but Sehun hears it clearly. 

“There is no need to thank me.” He presses the heel of his palm against the side of Jongin’s neck and picks out the steady beat of his heart. “I would do it a hundred times over if it meant us being safe.”

He says it with such certainty that he surprises himself. 

“Yeah,” Jongin says, something raw in his voice. Trembling fingertips run along the edge of his jaw. “I know you would.”

They will still have to be extra careful, now that someone out there has dirt on them and could choose to expose their relationship at any moment, but Sehun has never felt so relieved in years. 

“Happy New Year,” he says, finally returning Jongin’s greeting. He laces their fingers together and looks around the room at his family. Junmyeon’s eyes are watery and Kyungsoo’s smiling fondly at him, and Sehun is pretty sure the vibrations in his pocket are a result of Baekhyun furiously texting in their group chat to update Jongdae and Yixing on the present situation. 

Outside, the streets are awash with sounds of celebration, partygoers cheering and the occasional firework exploding in the air. Sehun pulls Jongin over to the window and settles into the other man’s space, Jongin a solid line of warmth down his side. 

“I don’t know what the future will hold,” he says, quiet. Behind them, Chanyeol’s half-demanding, half-begging Kyungsoo to play big two with him. He vaguely hears Minseok whining when Baekhyun drains the last of the wine. “But as long as we get to spend it together, I’ll face any and all obstacles willingly.”

Jongin leans over to place a kiss on his cheek. He catches the tail-end of Sehun’s smile, and the sight of it pulls his mind to the small weight sitting in the inner pocket of his coat. 

He brushes a hand down his coat, over where the ring lies. 

Not tonight, maybe none of the hundreds of nights that stretch ahead of them in the new year, but that’s alright. They’ve got time. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Click for Links!](https://bluedveins.wixsite.com/evoxine)


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